


Who You Gone Be

by writingdeluerann



Category: Moonlight (2016)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 17:50:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14753493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingdeluerann/pseuds/writingdeluerann
Summary: Chiron attempts to continue his life, the way he'd made it, after events at the end of the film. However, like that day back on the beach when they were teenagers; meeting Kevin again turns his whole life on its head.





	Who You Gone Be

**Author's Note:**

> Set directly after the end of the film. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything. Tarell and Barry do!

_“…At some point, you’ve got to decide for yourself who you gone be. You can’t let nobody make that decision for you.”_

It isn’t often Black allows himself to think about the times when he was Little and Juan was the closest thing he ever had to a real father. Most nights, the memories of Juan only bring back the images of his bloodied body on the pavement. Multiple gunshot wounds to his chest. Other nights he can still hear the muffled cries of Teresa and the way she’d gripped his already taller frame so tight he couldn’t breathe, not that he really cared. The unapologetic display of emotions had allowed him a rare moment of freedom he never gave himself to mourn the father he’d lost, but at the same time never really had. Some nights though, the image he sees of Juan is only a close up of his face the night he’d died. He’d seen it only once, before Teresa had snatched the picture away from his shocked eyes so quick she’d hoped he hadn’t got a good look at it, but he had. During these nights the blood marring Juan’s shirt and the red staining the pavement blur until the only thing he can see is Juan’s face and the almost smile he’d had when he died. Black hadn’t gotten it then, that look, he’d lost someone Little had thought of as a father, but who Chiron had realized could never truly be and so he was confused, but looking back now he knows it was the smile of long realized resignation and almost relief at having everything be over. He’d never really gotten it then, but now looking back it was the same resignation and relief he’d had when he was hauled off to Juvie. It was the same resignation and relief he longed for now, but Black wasn’t stupid. He’d never been optimistic and if his fucked up life had taught him anything is that when you make your bed hard, you better be able to lie in it. It’s nights like these when the only image of Juan that plays continuously in his head is the bloodied body on the dirty pavement, that Black wishes he could start over, but it was too late now. He’d made his bed hard and well…basically; he tries his damnedest _not_ to think about Juan.

 

However, like most things you’re determined not to think about he begins to think about Juan a lot, especially after driving to see his mom and most definitely after he sees Kevin. There were only four people in his life that ever truly knew him and seeing Kevin again after all those years brought back the memory of Juan in ways he’d thought it’d be whenever he caught up with Teresa, which was more often than anyone. It was in the way Kevin looked at him, with crinkled eyes that always seemed to know more than what they said and then that same warm smile that always sent shivers down his spine. Juan would always laugh instead, apologizing quickly with, “little man” even after Chiron was nearly the same height as him. It was their way of acknowledging Chiron’s vulnerability and their recognition that they needed to back off a minute before he completely shut down. In a lot of ways, being in the presence of Juan and Kevin were a lot a like. There was always a safe space with them Chiron had never been able to experience with almost no one else, but the almost too quick sputter of his heart beat and the way his words usually caught in his throat, seemed to tumble out of him without much effort were things exclusive to Kevin. Although, that too had him thinking about Juan even more because if he had been able to talk about any of this with anyone it would have been Juan. He could have back then, but he’d been too ashamed then, too afraid of what all this might mean. He was still afraid now if he was being honest, but the image of Juan’s slight smile against a grimy pavement makes him swallow his fear the way he’d swallowed it the night him and Kevin first kissed. It was what made him make a U-turn after he’d driven halfway back to Georgia once leaving Kevin’s house the following morning. Instead, driving to Teresa’s because although Juan would have been his first choice Teresa was a very close second.

 

#

 

“Chiron.” Teresa says with a smile when she opens her door and sees that it’s him. Black takes his time too look at her and marvel at the fact she still looks the exact same as the first time he’d met her. “I swear you look more like Juan every time I see you.” Teresa wraps him up in a swift hug and in a rare moment of resignation and acceptance he returns the hug with almost equal enthusiasm so much so that it has Teresa tensing up instead of him for once. She pulls back slowly with a frown forming on her once happy face and crosses her arms as she finally takes a good long look at the boy standing in front of her. “Okay,” She says once she sees whatever it was she was looking for. “What’s wrong?”

 

Black instantly becomes Chiron again in this moment. A thousand words spring to life in his head, but get stuck in his throat as all of them try to come out at once. “I…Kevin,” Black shakes his head and looks down at his feet shuffling them the way he used too back then until Teresa’s soft hands are lifting up his chin with a smile on her face. “Let’s eat first,” She says when it’s clear he’s not going to say anything more at the moment. “Then we can talk, okay?” Chiron nods his head and steps into the familiar house. He follows Teresa into the kitchen and watches her cook. He listens as Teresa talks about random insignificant things adding in commentary every now and again until the food is ready and he has a full plate in front of him. Only after he’s eaten his fill and asked Teresa if she wanted anything twice do they talk.

 

“Do you think he,” Chiron begins, but stops. He looks at Teresa, really looks at her and sighs pushing down the fear that’s creeping back up his spine and threatening to paralyze him. “Do you think _Juan_ regretted becoming a…” _Drug dealer_ hangs between them, but he knows Teresa understands, not just the question, but also the reason for his visit. He’d never outright told her he’d started trappin like Juan, but she was always perceptive in ways that often times made it easier for him to talk to her and this time is no different. Her eyes grow wide and her breathing quickened even though she tried to control it.

 

It’s the first time Black has _ever_ mentioned Juan and it’s the first time Chiron has mentioned him since his death all those years ago. The mention of Juan had always made him shut down even though honestly Teresa had more a right to be upset about his death since that had been _her_ boyfriend, but she’d never pushed it. She’d always allowed him to mourn him the way he wanted. Black knows from the way she’s still looking at him she’d probably given up on ever being able to mention Juan without things getting awkward, but Black’s been thinking about Juan lately even before he’d talked to his mom or saw Kevin if he’s being completely honest so this has been a long time coming.

 

“I wouldn’t say he regretted it, not for a long time at least.” Teresa finally says. “I think he felt guilty for the part he played in what happened to certain people, but generally he knew he wasn’t forcing anyone to do anything so I don’t think his guilt went so far as regret. I would always tell him _‘you can only take responsibility for yourself. It’s not your job to take on the responsibility of anyone else.’_ ” Teresa laughed and shook her head. Her curly hair fell slightly in her face and she pushed it away with a sigh. “It wasn’t until after you left that day I think he actually began to regret anything.”

 

Black looks away from Teresa for the first time and down at the opposite end of the long table. He remembers that day too. The day he’d made the connection between his mother’s drug addiction and what it was Juan _actually_ did for a living. He’d been naïve then.

 

Teresa follows his eyes and stares at the empty spot at the table. “He cried after you left and although he never said it I know that’s the day he realized he didn’t want to do it anymore. I think we both realized what I’d said, while true, _was_ wrong. But Juan had been doing this for a long time at that point. He and I both knew he wouldn’t be able to just walk away. So…”

 

Teresa fades off this time uncharacteristically going silent for the first time, but Chiron gets it, finally at least. He’d never understood how she’d seemed to be so unaffected by Juan’s death while Chiron would shut down at the mention of him. He realizes now Juan’s death hadn’t come as a shock to either of them. Chiron is once again reminded of the slight smile Juan wore the night he died because at that point death wasn’t just a possibility, but an eventuality.

 

#

 

Black returns to Atlanta a day later than he originally intended and gets back into his routine easier than he wishes he did, although now, he’s got the added communication with Kevin, which both helps and hurts the life he’d meticulously built here in Atlanta. On one hand, he’s happier, and although his nightmares still haven’t stopped the added wet dream about Kevin keeps them at bay enough that he finds himself actually getting sleep some nights. But with his added smiles come questions because none of his boy’s has ever seen him with a woman. He always avoids the questions or deflects them to someone else, but with the obvious rise in his mood it becomes a game of sorts to figure out who Black’s been fuckin and Black has no illusions about what they’d think if they found out his smiles were attributed to a dude. So he tries to keep Kevin a secret, locked in a box where Chiron lies, and only comes out when he’s alone at night, but Chiron has always been an open book.

 

Black doesn’t know when Chiron and Black started to bleed into each other, but one night after a particularly successful day he’s counting Travis’ money when the boy suddenly asks him about Kevin. It shocks him at first because one, he’d thought he’d been keeping Kevin a secret, and two because when had the normally skittish boy gotten comfortable enough with him that he thought he could ask him about his personal life?

 

Black pauses in his count of the money and looks up at Travis for a second before going back to counting. It wouldn’t be good to let Chiron bleed over here even though he can feel it. His hands are starting to tremble in a way only Chiron’s does when he’s feeling vulnerable so Black sighs and acts like he’s bored.

 

“He’s a friend from back home.”

 

Black doesn’t say more than that and thankfully, Travis doesn’t ask again that night although something changes unconsciously because Travis, at least, stops making comments about the hoes Black does or doesn’t have. And even though he thinks Black doesn’t notice he can see the boy taking extra looks at Black’s phone every now again where Black now realizes must have been how he’d found out about Kevin. Though, he still doesn’t bring Kevin up again, not immediately anyway. It’s a few months later, when Black has come back after yet another trip to Miami that Kevin comes up again.

 

“You ever think about moving back to Miami?”

 

Black momentarily takes his eyes off the road and looks at Travis with a raised eyebrow. “Why you say that?”

 

Travis shrugs, “Just seems like you been going back a lot lately.”

 

Black laughs, another characteristic he’d adopted from Juan and looks back at the road. “It’s where I’m from.” He says as way of explanation. “My moms down there.” He shrugs his shoulders.

 

Travis looks at him and then out of the window, “And Kevin?”

 

Chiron nearly plants his foot on the breaks, but Black stops him before he can send them both crashing into a ditch somewhere and instead tightens his hold on the steering wheel.

 

“Yeah,” He says barely above a whisper. He doesn’t look at Travis now. He’s afraid of what he might see. Instead, he makes himself relax like they’re just talking about the weather as he replies. “And Kevin.”

 

#

 

Black stops going home as often after that, which doesn’t escape the notice of his mom, Teresa, and especially Kevin. His mom goes back to nagging again and he goes back to making promises he knows he won’t fulfill. Teresa is the best one about it, like she always has been; she doesn’t ask any questions because she knows when he’s ready to tell her something he will. Kevin he can tell takes it the hardest, because even though he has had a hard time trying to figure out Black, he knows Chiron, and when Chiron retreats into himself like this it’s nothing good. But unlike when they were kids, he can’t just hop in his car and come over. Kevin has a job now and a son he has to support and although their relationship has gotten better in the six months Black has spent going back to Miami it definitely isn’t where it used to be so they still tip toe around each other sometimes. So, it makes it easier to stop the calls and the text as frequently. It makes it easier to ignore the messages he sees and delete them just as quick as they come in. It’s too easy to go back into the solitude he’d surrounded himself in before him and Kevin reconnected that day that seems like forever ago. Although now while Black used to bask in solitude, it just feels suffocating.

 

His life, it seems, takes notice and acts accordingly.

 

Chiron’s nightmares come back full force after that, not that they’d stopped, but they’d definitely gotten better. However, now he finds himself more often waking up in a cold sweat too afraid to close his eyes again so he starts working out late into night and into the early morning again. He’s getting less sleep and while he used to be able to run on such low energy now it’s actually tiring and affecting his mood.

 

The business also starts to get affected, not because of Chiron exactly, although it feels that way. The OG that originally put him on had a lot of enemies and while Black had done his best to show them he wasn’t anyone to fuck with once he’d taken over everything, something had changed or maybe they were just getting bolder. It starts out small. Travis mentions seeing one of the rival’s boys working one of Chiron’s streets and so the next day Chiron takes the time to actually sit out there while Travis does his runs, which he hasn’t felt the need to do in a long time. It makes him nervous. It has him itching for the gun he knows is right under his seat and everything only grows from there.

 

It goes from one boy randomly working one of Chiron’s streets to active hostility from his rival’s whole group and for the first time in a long time, Black wonders how Juan did this for so long. He hasn’t even been doing this for half the time and he’s already getting tired. He can fully understand now why Juan had been almost happy when he died. This wasn’t an easy life and when one day as he’s picking up Travis to go count the days money only to see his rival’s member’s walking up too late, it’s then as gunshots ring out and he steps on the gas that he knows he’s done. He’s done pretending to be his own version of Juan. He’s done pretending to be someone he so clearly is not and he’s done running away from the boy he’d tried to leave on the ground of the school the day Terrell and his boy’s had stomped him out. For the first time in literally ever he just wants to be Chiron.

 

#

 

It’s not until he’s gotten far enough away that he knows he’s not being followed that he realizes he’s been shot. It’s Travis that points it out with shaky hands and wide eyes. Chiron looks down at himself and clutches the growing red stain on his shirt as the adrenaline finally catches up with him and he can feel his eyes starting to close a bit. He can hear Travis yelling at him, but his voice is muffled and nothing and I mean nothing is going to make him try to keep his eyes open.

 

He doesn’t see what happens next although he can feel Travis searching for something until he finds Chiron’s phone and thanks God that it’s not password protected as he dials the only person he vaguely knows.

 

Kevin answers on the first ring. “I was wondering how long it’d take before you called me again. You know I talked to Teresa the other day. She’s worried about you?”

 

Travis doesn’t say anything at first, but apparently, Kevin expects this and doesn’t yet realize that this isn’t Black because he continues.

 

“Aye man, I mean not just Teresa.” He pauses. “I’m worried about you too.”

 

It’s then Travis finally snaps out of whatever trance he’d been in and finally speaks. “Is this Kevin?”

 

Kevin pauses and Travis takes the phone away from his ear to make sure he hasn’t accidently hung up, but he’s still there.

 

“Hello, Kevin?”

 

Kevin finally finds his voice again. Only this time there is no mistaking the worry in his tone. “What happened to Chiron?”

 

#

 

Chiron is in the hospital for a total of three days before he finally wakes up and when he does, they’re all there, his mom, Teresa, and Kevin. Travis is also there, still in the same blood stained clothes he’d carried Chiron to the hospital in. Chiron looks at all of them unaware that they haven’t even noticed he’s awake yet until he attempts to sit up and sharp pains shoot through his body and he lets out a hiss. It’s then that everybody’s head seems to shoot up at once, but his eyes connect with Kevin’s first and for the very first time in the entire time he’s known Kevin he sees him cry. Silent tears stream down his face, and unlike Chiron, he doesn’t try to wipe them away. He just smiles at Chiron as his mom nearly runs over to the bed and wraps her large boy up in a hug.

 

“I thought I’d lost you baby,” She cries into his shoulder. Chiron returns the hug for once glad to see his mother as she lets out all of her emotions she’s held inside through the years. “You’re my only.” She parrots from that night a long time ago. It’s a sad truth Chiron knows, but it’s true nonetheless and so he wraps his arms around his mom and lets her sob into his chest until she’s finally reluctantly pulling away and stepping out his space.

 

When she steps away, she looks at Teresa who, although silent, Chiron can tell is barely holding herself together. She smiles at the woman who she’s tried to make herself hate for so long and nods her head once and steps out of the way as Teresa with shocked wide eyes makes her way to Chiron. When she’s finally at his bedside they look at each other for a long time before he breaks down in tears and not just tears but full on hysterical crying because for the first time in his life he’s accepting that Juan’s really dead. He says as much in between the tears and that’s all it takes for Teresa to wrap her arms around him and for him to tug her just as closely. He’s no longer Black after this. He is Little and Chiron, but at the same time someone completely different because neither one of them had cried when they’d went to Juan’s funeral. However, in this moment, so many years after Juan has been long gone, is when he finally feels it.

 

As they cry together he says goodbye to the father he’d had for such a short period of time. He’s says goodbye to one of the only people who’d showed him a positive representation of what a man could be. And he says goodbye to Black the version of Juan he’d made himself into when he’d gotten out of Juvie.

 

 _“…At some point,”_ Chiron can hear Juan’s smooth voice telling him from that day on the beach. “ _You’ve got to decide for yourself who you gone be.”_ And for the first time since Juan said those words to him. He finally understands what they mean. “ _You can’t let nobody make that decision for you.”_

 

Chiron gets out of the hospital after a week and when he goes back to Black’s house, Travis and Kevin both with him, the house has been torn apart. Glass is broken and papers are strewn everywhere. He doesn’t have to look, but he knows all the drugs he had here are gone, although he can’t bring himself to care. He only grabs his personal items and the money he made sure no one save his own mother would be able to find and they leave.

 

When they get down to his car Kevin shuffles him toward the passenger seat, but he pauses and looks back. Travis has stopped moving beside them and Chiron doesn’t think twice before he’s nodding his head toward the car for the boy to get in.

 

“Tray, you can’t stay here.” He says to the boy and they stare at each other for a moment. Communication passes through them Chiron wasn’t even aware had developed until Travis is letting out a sigh and getting into the car too. It’s a tight fit with the three of them plus Chiron’s stuff, but they make it work and after hours of driving, he sees the welcome to Miami sign in the distance and smiles.

 

#

 

When you grow up a certain way, you have this idea about leaving home and finding something better. This _something better_ came to Chiron first as Juan and then later expanded to include Teresa. This space always included Kevin, although it’d taken Chiron a long time to admit it. But there was always an openness with Kevin he couldn’t find with anyone else and after everything happened and he ended up in Atlanta he’d tried to convince himself Atlanta _was_ the _something, better_ he’d been searching for his whole life. However, as Chiron steps out of his car ignoring the sparks of pain that roll up his body as they stand outside Kevin’s apartment in South Beach, he can admit now it was a lie. The ocean breeze beats against his face and he closes his eyes and is momentarily transported back to that day so long ago when he and Kevin embraced each other in the sand. If Chiron is being honest, he never thought he’d be so happy to be back in Miami. He’d been so clouded by all of the bad shit going on he couldn’t see the good and the simple sense of home that no matter how negative, Miami still brought. He still feels it now though he doesn’t know if it’s simply his minds way of coping with a near death experience or if he’s actually happy to be home, either way he takes advantage of it and enjoys the breeze a little longer.

 

Chiron doesn’t know how long he stands like that. It feels like forever, but he knows it was probably just a moment. Eventually, he opens his eyes and they begin to try and figure out where Chiron’s going to stay.

 

“I could stay in a hotel,” Chiron shrugs his shoulders. “I have the money.”

 

Kevin rolls his eyes at the same time Teresa crosses her arms and begins to glare. “Now, come on man you’re home.” Kevin smiles and it reaches his eyes. “You ain’t staying in no hotel.”

 

Chiron _should_ stay in a hotel. It would be the best option and he knows everyone knows it. It’s not just him, Tray is here too, but neither Kevin nor Teresa let him entertain the idea before they both start offering up their homes.

 

At once, Chiron’s eyes go to Kevin’s because he knows what this means. They both do. Communication flows through them like breathing while they have a silent conversation. His heart _wants_ to stay with Kevin because this thing that has been brewing between them is in full force now since he’s no longer trying to actively repress it, but he knows it’s not practical. Kevin has a son that comes over sometimes and Chiron doesn’t know if he’s mentioned what they’ve been doing to Samantha yet so he declines Kevin reluctantly and decides to stay with Teresa. Although, when Kevin goes to hand Chiron back the keys to his black Impala Chiron stops him and pushes the keys back into his hand letting him keep the car. He lets the pads of their fingertips press against each other longer that necessary before he finally pulls away.

 

#

 

Chiron smiles the whole way back to Teresa’s house and when he steps through the front door, he knows he’s made the right choice. He immediately goes and put’s his stuff down in his room, while Teresa shows Travis the 2nd spare bedroom that he’ll be using while he stays there. Then she cooks them a dinner and smiles in a way he hasn’t really seen since Juan died. It’s in this moment he realizes how lonely she must have been, all these years. He scans the room and sees unfinished paint jobs and half done projects he remembers Juan starting, but never finishing since he’d died in the middle of them and Teresa, while capable of finishing some of it had just left them there. Chiron knows immediately what he’s going to do while he recovers and so the next day after he wakes up early in the morning despite still being in a little pain he brings it up over breakfast.

 

“I think I wanna do a little work on the house.” Chiron says into his plate of food. He takes a few bites of his pancakes before he finally gets the courage to look up and meet Teresa’s eyes beside him. “Finish some of the stuff Juan started.” He says after a pause.

 

Teresa puts her fork down and leans forward in her chair. A small frown is forming on her lips as she sighs. “You know you don’t have too. You’re always welcome here Chiron any time you want. No conditions.”

 

“I know.” He nods his head and looks down again. “It’s just I don’t really know what I should do.” Chiron shrugs his shoulders and looks up again. “I never had a real job before and after Juvie I started trappin so…” He fades off and just like old times Teresa gives him time to think and doesn’t interrupt. She reaches her hand across the table and places it on his and gives it a squeeze before he finally continues. “I just want time to be able to figure out what it is I’m meant to do.”

 

Teresa smiles. “Take all the time you need.” She squeezes his hand once more and goes back to her food. “Nobody’s rushing you.” Chiron smiles and does the same.

 

Once Travis is up, he allows the boy time to eat before he tells him his plans. Immediately, Tray begins to joke. “Oh, so you Mr. Fix It, now?”

 

Chiron laughs and rises from the table. “Just finish your food so we can go. I wanna stop somewhere first.”

 

Tray rolls his eyes, but does as he’s told and once he’s done eating he meets Chiron by the front door where Teresa is handing over a pair of keys with water rimmed eyes.

 

“He’d want you to have it.” She says and pushes her curls out of her face.

 

Chiron looks toward Juan’s car, which has sat idle in the yard since his death and clutches his hand around the keys for dear life. “Thank you.” Chiron whispers as silent tears run down his face.

 

#

 

Chiron pulls up to the rundown set of apartments he knows used to be Juan’s spot and turns off the car. He can see Terrance; about Juan’s age now around the time, Chiron first met him, standing across the street talking to one of his three runners. His dreads are a lot longer now and where he used to be skinny, he has now put on a lot of weight, much like Chiron has.

 

“What we doing here?” Travis asks through a shaky voice though he tries to cover it up.

 

Chiron looks back toward Terrence who he knows, recognizes the car, and takes the keys out of the ignition. “Juan,” He begins. “My pops, he used to run this spot back in the day. That’s one of his old boys. I just needed to talk to him for a minute.”

 

Travis nods his head as Chiron finally gets out of the car and makes his way over to Terrence, who clearly hasn’t recognized him yet from the set of his shoulders and the way his boys are standing. It takes until he is nearly in his face and Terrence can finally get a good look at him for the other man to relax and break out into a smile.

 

“Shit Chiron,” Terrence says and gives the younger man dap. “It took me a minute to recognize you. I ain’t seen you since the funeral and then I heard you ended up in Juvie.”

 

Chiron nods his head and moves to stand beside Terrence so he’s facing the road. “Yeah I ended up in Atlanta. Ran some stuff down there for a while, but I’m back now.”

 

Terrence nods his head looks across the street at Travis still in the car. Chiron follows his eyes and knows he understands what he means. It’s not hard too even with all the talking around the subject they’re doing.

 

“Is that one of your boy’s?”

 

“My best.” Chiron smiles and looks at Terrence. “When I moved back down here he came with me. Didn’t really have a reason to stay.”

 

Terrence nods his head again, but doesn’t say anything. Chiron doesn’t either and when Terrence has made up his mind, about whatever it was he was thinking about he speaks again. “So, did you want me to look after him? I got three boys already, but I can get handle another one, especially since he already knows what he doing.”

 

“Nah, he good,” Chiron says quickly. “I just wanted you to know his face in case he decides he wants to do something stupid. Things got bad in Atlanta,” Chiron tells Terrence honestly, “And I’m just trynna look out for him. Keep him out of trouble.”

 

Terrence smiles and looks across the road again. “I got you. Can you call him over here?” Chiron agrees and motions Tray over to them. They both watch Travis get out of the car and make his way over slowly. While he walks, Terrence leans over to Chiron, so none of his boy’s can hear. “I’m glad you got out man.” Terrence pauses. “Juan, he always felt bad about everything with your moms. I think he’d be happy you ain’t running the streets like him.”

 

Chiron goes stiff as he listens to Terrence and then he swallows down the emotions threatening to bubble over and clenches his jaw instead willing his body to relax again as Tray is finally in front of them.

 

“What’s up man?” Terrence extends his hand and they both dap. “You must be Chiron’s boy?”

 

“This is Travis.” Chiron answers for him and looks over to Travis. “This is Juan’s old boy I was telling you about.”

 

Travis nods his head, but otherwise doesn’t speak. He looks out at the road as some cars pass and zones out for a minute until he can hear the slap of hands beside him and knows they are finally about to leave.

 

“It was nice seeing you man.” Terrence says and Chiron knows he’s being serious. “Stay out of trouble.”

 

When Travis and Chiron are back inside the car, they drive away in mostly silence until they pull up to The Home Depot and park. When they get out and walk inside, they search the aisles for twenty minutes for the stuff they’ll need for the renovations back at Teresa’s house before Travis finally breaks down and asks what him and Terrence talked about before he was called over.

 

“Nothing really.” Chiron says as he walks down the paint aisle. “I just wanted him to look at your face so he would know who you were in case you decided you wanted to do something stupid. Now, I’ll know if you do.”

 

Travis looks at Chiron, but doesn’t speak. He doesn’t tell Chiron that his heart was never in any of that stuff to begin with and seeing someone shot for the first time had cured all the curiosity he’d had about the trap life. Instead, he looks away from Chiron with a smile on his face because he knows he doesn’t have to say any of this to the older man because he knows he understands.

 

#

 

Chiron doesn’t know how, but months pass easily like this. He wakes up and starts working on whatever project he’s doing this week while Teresa runs errands and cooks food for the three of them. At nights, he goes and visits Kevin at the restaurant. He lets the other man feed him and they talk about everything and nothing until the restaurant closes and he follows Kevin back home. Every time he gets there Chiron can feel the tension between them go up 100 degrees and sometimes he _knows_ the looks and touches Kevin give him are deliberate, but then he’ll see the picture of Kevin’s son in the corner and remember they haven’t discussed _that_ yet. So, he’ll pull back and go home because actions are fine, but if the words don’t match up then there really isn’t much to do about it. Chiron doesn’t let it bother him though instead he pours himself into the work on the house until it’s completely done and then one of Teresa’s friends ask him to do a few things at their house and he does that too. Until he has a steady stream of clients and a purpose he never thought he’d have when he was younger.

 

During his down time, he tries to visit his mom more and come to terms with how her addiction affected both of their lives. It’s a slow process, especially since every time he feels like he’s getting over things the anger will bubble up inside him and he’ll be 12 years old again sitting at Juan’s table telling him he hates her. He knows he doesn’t though. He just wishes he could. It would make it easier, but that’s his mom and so they try and work through it until he doesn’t have to make himself go visit his mom at the rehab center. He goes because he wants too.

 

It feels like a normal day to Chiron when he wakes up one morning, until he turns on his phone and notices the date. He’s shocked if he’s honest and so he sits his phone back down and lies back against the bed staring up at the ceiling while he processes what the date meant.

 

 _It’s been a year._ Or a few months past a year, but either way Chiron is surprised. He’d never really been paying attention. He’d not had a reason to constantly look over his shoulder since he left Atlanta so he’d just been getting by, living day by day, until one day the pain in his stomach was gone and he’d somehow managed to created a carpentry business for himself. Laying down looking up at the white ceiling Chiron has no clue how any of this even happened, but he’s grateful.

 

#

 

When Chiron finally decides to get out of bed it’s too the smell of breakfast being made. Normally, he’d work out a bit beforehand, but he’s in a particularly good mood and foregoes the ritual and just leaves his room. Once he’s in the dining room, Teresa is setting the table and Travis is already there in his referee outfit. He’d only survived working with Chiron until the renovations on Teresa’s house were done until he bowed out and decided to look for a regular job. A few days later he’d found a job at the shoe store in the local mall and had kept it ever since.

 

“Good morning, Chiron,” Teresa greets him with a smile when he sits down at the table. She pauses momentarily to give him a hug and a kiss on the forehead before exiting again to get the rest of the food. Chiron nods his head at Travis whose already eating since he’s about to leave for work and waits patiently until Teresa returns with the last of the food.

 

They eat in mostly silence even after Travis has left for work because if one thing has not changed it’s Chiron’s appetite. He doesn’t know if it’s some left over sense of uncertainty from when he was younger and always hungry, but he can eat. Teresa does the same until she’s done with her food and waits until she feels like Chiron is mostly done with his to start talking.

 

“I talked to Joyce yesterday.” Teresa begins and Chiron looks up from his plate. “Said she was gonna have you go over to her nieces house for some renovations?”

 

Chiron swallows the food in his mouth. “Yeah, she didn’t tell me who it was, but gave me the address. It’s not that far away. I honestly think she may just be trynna set me up though.”

 

Teresa laughs. “What makes you think that?”

 

“She was throwing hints the whole time I redid her kitchen.” Chiron smiled. “And I ain’t never know what to say so,” Chiron shrugs.

 

Teresa pats him on the shoulder and gets up to take her plate to the kitchen, but pauses. “Just be careful.”

 

Chiron nods his head, but doesn’t pay much attention to the comment at first. He’d dealt with enough people coming on to him after he’d filled out that he thinks he can handle one more. However, when he’s pulling up to Joyce’s niece’s house and recognizes the car sitting out front he loses all the breath in his body. The _whole_ conversation is starting to make more sense now as he cuts off his car grabbing the large samples booklet he always carries with him and makes himself get out. Chiron is trying to pretend this could be anybody, but one look inside the car as he passes it on his way to the front door and he’s 16 again and Kevin is taking him back to his house after what happened on the beach.

 

Chiron knocks on the door anyway still trying to convince himself this isn’t Samantha’s house, but he goes to knock again only to have the door snatched open. Chiron looks down and sees the little boy he’d only recognized from the picture in Kevin’s apartment, but looking at him now in flesh and blood makes it real. He looks exactly like Kevin at his age. Chiron is still marveling at the similarities when he hears Samantha call from somewhere in the house and he finally looks up away from the boy as she rounds the corner looking down at her son.

“Babe what I tell you about answering the door like that,” Samantha asked with worry lines across her forehead. She ran her hands down her son’s face and pulled him away from the door until the small boy was frowning in front of her. “It’s okay just wait for mommy from now on.”

 

The little boy nodded his head and she kissed him on the forehead before finally looking up and pausing. Her eyes widened as she slowly stood up and placed her left hand on her son’s back where he was clutching her leg. “Chiron?”

 

“Yeah,” He stuttered unable to say much else. “Samantha?”

 

Samantha nodded her head. “I haven’t seen you since high school,” She paused and pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Is something wrong with Kevin?”

 

“Nah he’s good,” Chiron shook his head quickly with a furrowed brow. “Joyce, your aunt, sent me over. She said you’d seen her kitchen and wanted yours redone too.”

 

“Oh yeah,” She said shaking her head. “Come in.”

 

Chiron stepped through the door and followed her to the kitchen. “Sorry about that. She never said who was coming and Kevin always talks about you so I just assumed…” Samantha fell silent as they entered the kitchen and turned back to Chiron. “Anyways, here we are.”

 

Chiron looked around the room, not to inspect it like Samantha probably thought he was doing, but to wrap his head around everything he’d found out in this short period of time. “What did you want done?”

 

“This house used to be my grandma’s so all the cabinets and stuff are original. I wanted those updated and also,” She walked over to the opposite end of the room where there was a wall and door leading to the dining room. “I wanted more of an open concept here so maybe I could put in an island or something. It would help when I’m cooking.”

 

“Do you have an idea of what you’re looking for?” Chiron asked. “If not I’ve got a bunch of sample stuff I carry with me to give you some ideas.”

 

“Yeah,” Samantha began walking to the dining room and Chiron followed behind her. “I’d like to take a look if that’s okay.”

 

They both sat down at the dining room table and he laid out his sample binder and began explaining the different choices to Samantha. When they were well on their way to shaping a definite idea on how Samantha wanted her new kitchen to look she sighed and looked up from the pages.

“You know me and Kevin aren’t together right?” Chiron tensed at the question, but nodded all the same.

 

“Yeah,” Chiron said taking a deep breath. “He told me when I first moved back to Miami. I just didn’t know if he’d said anything—”

 

“About the two of you?” Samantha finished softly and Chiron froze. He looked away not sure on what to say. “Chiron, it’s okay. I’m okay with it. I was a little hurt at first, but after a while, I wasn’t surprised. It was always you wasn’t it?”

 

Chiron looks back at Samantha at that and swallows the fear he’d felt welling up in him. “You’re okay with it?”

 

“Me and Kevin were never in love,” Samantha shrugged her shoulders. “I just think we liked the idea of each other. I wanted a guy who looked at me like I was a person and not like I was some hoe, you know? And with Kevin I think I always knew he was pretending because he’d tell me I looked good, but I knew in his eyes it wasn’t the same like when other guys would say it. I guess to some girls that would have been the end of it right there, but I liked it because at least for once I knew he wasn’t with me because of all the rumors or whatever. Not that I knew at the time why he was pretending.”

 

“But you still had a son, together.”

 

“It’s wasn’t intentional,” Samantha looked Chiron in the eyes. “We were too young for it to ever have been planned and then Kevin went to jail and when he got out he tried to make it work. He really did, but pretending when it comes to being a family is something different than what we were doing before and I didn’t want that, neither one of us did. I guess we’d hoped it’d grow into something real, but when it didn’t…” Samantha sighed. “It didn’t take long for us to talk about it, the reason why, and afterwards I knew it was you. After you’d left and Kevin was here, alone,” Samantha shook her head. “That was when we’d seriously started dating and after I remembered I guess I knew it had always been you.”

 

Chiron doesn’t go home immediately after that. He spends another two hours going over everything with Samantha and sets up another appointment before he finally leaves and just drives. He drives to wrap his head around everything Samantha has told him and how much it makes almost all of Kevin’s interactions with him make sense. When the sun has been down for a few hours, he goes back home and eats with Teresa and tells her about his talk with Samantha. Once he’s done, Chiron works out for an hour and then takes his second shower of the day and heads to Kevin’s apartment.

 

#

 

“Didn’t think you were coming over tonight,” Kevin says when he sees Chiron standing outside his apartment. Chiron steps aside to allow Kevin to unlock the door and follows him inside. “Didn’t come by the restaurant.”

 

“Had a consultation before I came over,” Chiron stuffs his hands in his pockets. He watches Kevin disappear into his room and then looks at the picture of Kevin’s son he’s sees a hundred times at this point. “Ran later than normal.”

 

“That’s dope, Black,” Kevin calls from his room. Chiron shuffles his feet as he listens to the sound of Kevin clearly changing clothes. His heart is beating a million miles a minute and although he’s replaying the conversation him and Samantha had over and over in his head he still can’t seem to make his feet move. “Who was it this time?” Kevin asks.

 

Chiron moves forward slowly, years of attempting to mask who he was, making each step harder than the next, “You know Joyce don’t you?” Chiron asks as an opening. He’s nearly at Kevin’s bedroom door now and he has to stop himself to calm his breathing.

 

“Samantha’s aunt?” Kevin asks still inside the room.

 

Chiron nods his head although Kevin can’t see and scratches the back on his neck nervously. “Yeah, said Samantha wanted some work done on her house and we got caught up talking…”

 

Kevin walks out of his bedroom, new t-shirt in his hand and blinks at Chiron’s proximity. He looks down at the shirt stretched tight to Chiron’s chest and notices his breathing and then looks back up. “So, everything cool?” Kevin finally asks. The tension that has been brewing between them since they were younger is so heavy now the atmosphere feels thick with it, but Kevin wouldn’t change it for the world. He feels like he’s waited forever for this moment.

 

“Yeah,” Chiron nods as a slow smile pulls onto his lips. “Everything’s cool.”

 

#

 

The only thing Chiron can think as he stares up at Kevin from where he’s sitting at the front of the bed is that he’s waited his whole life for this and yet he’s still nervous. He’s still fully clothed and his hands are stuffed between his legs as he’s leaned over trying to get the nerve to give Kevin some kind of signal that this is all okay. He knows he doesn’t have to rush though, he never has with Kevin, and this is no different. He can see it in the other man’s eyes, the same as when he’d first met him. The same eyes that held him close on the beach so long ago and the same eyes staring at him now. Chiron doesn’t know how he ever thought Kevin _didn’t_ want this. It’s clear to him now every heated interaction they’ve ever had was intentional, at least on Kevin’s part it was. He can see it in his eyes and he’s amazed it took him this long to recognize it.

 

Finally, Chiron stands although he’s shaking. Kevin watches Chiron as he closes the space between them and draws right up to him and sighs. Kevin unconsciously licks his lips and lays his hand flat against Chiron’s chest. Instantly, his brows draw together as he tilts his head.

 

“You shakin.” Kevin presses the pads of his fingers harder to Chiron’s chest as if he could will his lovers nerves to calm with just this movement.

 

“Yeah,” Chiron nods and swallows the lump in his chest.

 

“Wait,” Kevin crosses the room until he’s standing back in the doorway and flicks the light switch sending them into total darkness. The pads of Kevin’s feet thud across the floor until he’s back in front of Chiron and simply stands.

 

“I’m shakin,”Chiron says to the darkness.

 

Kevin nods, “Yeah”

 

“I’m still shakin.” Chiron whispers.

Although, Kevin doesn’t reply he attentively brings his hands to Chiron’s chest once more and begins to caress slowly. He looks straight at Chiron and takes a step forward as he brings his hand up Chiron’s body until the palm of his hand is on Chiron’s neck and the pad of his thumb is stroking Chiron’s cheek the same way he’d done back then. Only this time he’s not laughing. Kevin keeps his hand there for a few seconds, feelings Chiron’s pulse underneath his hand until he’s leaning forward trusting his own instincts and their lips finally meet for the first time in years.

 

This kiss, like their first, is slow but unlike then it isn’t layered with uncertainty. Instead, they are relearning each other; from the fears, hopes, and dreams they’ve had for one another down to simple desire they’ve both spent a lifetime denying themselves. And eventually, though Chiron’s nerves are still at about 70% he finally lets go of his own fears he’s had since the moment he knew he was gay and gives himself over to this moment even if just for tonight and decides not to think twice about it.

 

Chiron brings his own hand up to Kevin’s waist and pulls him forward like he’s wanted to do for _so long._ Kevin’s eyes widen at the movement for just a moment until he breaks away and smiles _that sly smile_ Chiron loves so much and stops holding back.

 

Kevin pulls his own shirt over his head and goes back to Chiron’s lips as he uses his hands to undress them both in a flurry of movements. They continue to kiss, hands exploring one another until Chiron is on his back with Kevin on top of him and they stop to simply stare at each other. They can both feel the others hard length pressed against their stomachs, but Kevin doesn’t care. He still wants to give Black an out _if he wants it_ so he waits and eventually Chiron is reaching down between them with shaky hands and gripping Kevin’s length with a firm grip and begins to stroke.

 

Kevin closes his eyes and almost loses balance as a shiver of pleasure courses through his body. He bites his lips as he begins to rock his hips in time with the strokes and Chiron’s eyes sparkle at the way he’s able to make Kevin feel.

 

They continue like this until Kevin is gently pulling Chiron’s hands off his length and breathing _hard._ “I’m not gonna last long if you keep doing that.”

 

Chiron smiled, “That’s okay.”

 

Kevin kissed Chiron’s lips quickly and pulled away as he caressed his cheek, “But I want it to be good for you, really good.”

 

Chiron lets out a shaky breath at that, but nods as Kevin reaches over him to his nightstand and pulls out a bottle of lube and a condom. He does quick work of putting on the condom and then he opens the lube and dribbles some on his hard length. Kevin strokes himself slowly getting a generous amount everywhere until he looks into Chiron’s eyes.

 

“I’ve never done this with another man either,” Kevin whispers. He looks at Chiron in a rare moment of vulnerability and sighs, “Real shit. It’s just been you.”

 

“It’s okay,” Chiron looks up at Kevin through the darkness. “I trust you.”

 

Kevin blinks and they stare at each other for a few moments and that’s all it takes. Kevin opens the lube once more and coats his fingers and begins to open Chiron up like he’s seen in some of the porn he watches. This _at least_ is similar to fingering a girl so it doesn’t take long for him to get three fingers in using generous amounts of lube.

 

At first, Chiron’s jaw is clenched in obvious discomfort but then Kevin pushes his three fingers further into Chiron at a different angle and his breath hitches and a moan escapes his lips as pleasure rocks through him unlike anything he’s ever experienced. Kevin smiles and continues to try and hit that same spot, moan after moan, spilling from Chiron’s lips until he can’t take it anymore and he pulls his fingers out and lines up his dick and begins to push in.

 

Chiron’s eyes open again at this and he holds his breath as Kevin pushes himself in and gets adjusted to the girth and length of something that big being inside him. Kevin holds himself still and then begins to pull out and is surprised at how easy everything flows because of his choice to use so much lube. He pulls out until just the head is in and then slams himself back in and miraculously hits Chiron’s sensitive buddle of nerves.

 

“Please,” Chiron moans and Kevin can’t control himself after that. He snaps his hips in a ruthless pace and leans down and begins to kiss Chiron again. He nudges his lovers legs wide and up so he can get a better angle and almost loses balance as this new angle makes it possible for him to hit his prostate every time until he no longer has a rhythm and the only sound between them is their uncontrollable moan and the sound of the ocean outside Kevin’s apartment.

 

“Oh,” Chiron moans as he grabs the length of his dick in his hand and begins to stroke it frantically. He tugs it once, twice, _three_ times until spurts of white are shooting across his chest and Kevin is following right behind him bearing his seed deep within him.

 

#

 

**Epilogue: 2 Years Later**

 

There is a sudden huge dip in the bed followed by child’s laughter as Chiron blinks his eyes open. The sun spills into the room from the large windows on the far wall of the room as Chiron lifts his head off of Kevin’s chest and stares down at Kevin’s son— _their_ son at the foot of the bed.

 

“Good morning, Lil man,” Chiron smiles.

 

Their son beams at him while he shuffles closer and Chiron moves back to make room for him in the middle.

 

“You’re up early?”

 

Little Kevin laughs with the same smile Chiron loves on his father. “You do remember what day it is?” Little Kevin’s eyebrow goes up a notch and Chiron controls the laugh he nearly let spill and instead keeps a straight face.

 

“I don’t know.” Chiron shakes his head. “I don’t think I remember.”

 

“Pops,” Little Kevin draws out as he rolls his eyes and Chiron can’t hold it in anymore. He burst out laughing and Little Kevin finally understands he was just playing.

 

“Happy Birthday, Lil man.”

 

The smile their son sends him is radiate and has Chiron thanking _anyone whose up there_ that he was able to have even a small piece of this life because while he’d never assumed he’d have his own kid, being able to share Kevin’s son was a dream come true he never realized he’d had.

 

“Come on, lets let Kev sleep a bit,” Chiron says and gets up on the bed. He pulls on his sweats and pads out the room with their son on his heels. “Aunt Teresa ought to be over in a minute to make breakfast.”

 

As if on cue, there is a knock on the front door and Little Kevin shoots across the room to answer it.

 

“I got it.” The boy yells into the air.

 

Chiron rolls his eyes, but follows the little boy to the door.

 

“Hurry up.” Little Kevin calls where his hand is resting on the doorknob waiting to throw it open. When he sees Chiron round the corner he doesn’t wait another second and throws the door open. “Hey, Auntie Teresa.”

 

Teresa smiles down at the little whose eyes zero in on the multiple bags in her hand. “Happy Birthday, baby.”

 

“Can I open em now?” The little boy asks as he turns and looks up at Chiron.

 

Chiron grabs the bags from Teresa as she gives him a hug and then they all go back to the dining room. “You gotta wait till your mom gets here later and then when we go see grandma you can tell her everything you got.”

 

Little Kevin sighs, and stomps his feet once but doesn’t say more about it. Instead, he leaves and goes back to his room leaving the two adults alone.

 

“You know we haven’t changed the locks, right?” Chiron says as he unloads the groceries and I know you still have your key. You can come right in, I don’t mind.” Chiron shrugs.

 

“I know.” Teresa says as she gathers the pots and pans and begins to cook. “But when I gave this house to you it became yours and you knock before you enter someone else’s house.”

 

Chiron nods his head and leans against the counter to watch Teresa cook. Conversation flows easily between them, as the food is prepared until Chiron feels an arm snake around him and a kiss is laid to the back on his neck.

 

“Good morning, Babe,” Kevin says voice still heavy with sleep.

 

Chiron smiles shyly and curls their fingers together where they rest on his waist. “Good morning.”

 

“Good morning, Teresa.”

 

Teresa looks back after she takes the biscuits out of the oven and smiles. “Good morning. Work late last night?”

 

“Yeah,” Kevin nods. “Wanted to make sure the new cook was alright and then we got busy so I stayed a little late.”

 

“I thought after you became the owner that would mean less hours?” Chiron smiles back at his boyfriend.

 

“Old habits,” Kevin shrugs and plants another kiss to Chiron’s neck.

 

“Ugh,” Little Kevin says as he enters the kitchen still pouting. “Get a room.”

 

“They have a room,” Teresa fires back, but smiles. “Now help me set the table.”

 

Little Kevin attempts to remain mad for all of two seconds before the joy of finally being able to eat breakfast breaks through and he smiles. Chiron laughs as he shakes his head and follows everyone out to the kitchen table with some of the food in hand. Despite, him and the little boy not being biologically related they have so much in common that it doesn’t make a difference. Chiron looks at everyone gathered around the table and he can’t do anything else but smile as he begins to eat because he never thought he would have this and being able to have it fills a void in him he’d tried desperately to fill all his life. For once, in what feels like an eternity he is truly happy and as the words Juan spoke to him years ago echo in head he can finally say he’s proud of the man he decided to be.

 

_“…At some point, you’ve got to decide for yourself who you gone be. You can’t let nobody make that decision for you.”_

**Author's Note:**

> The smut scene all the way up to when Chiron decides to kiss Kevin is taken directly from the script. In the film, they ended up doing the scene differently than how it was originally written for some reason and I just thought it would be perfect here.


End file.
